The Time I: Felt Like A Failure

Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you would do almost anything and everything to have it? Well, I have and if you haven't you're not human!

I was and still am pursuing a Nursing career. 4 years in a row, I had been trying to go to school with failed attempts and obstacles. It seemed like these obstacles kept getting bigger and coming out of no where. It seemed like every chance I that was given to me to start my school journey, it was taken away. Military duties, family, stress, work, everything just kept getting in the way. But finally, there was a light at the tunnel! I received my acceptance letter into Nursing school and I was ecstatic! I couldn't believe it! Finally my dream was going to come true!

So, I am in school and things are going rather well. I was having a blast because this was one step closer to my dream. However, here comes the stress and road blocks. As usual, it seemed as if I couldn't get a break! Instead of focusing on my studies, I was focusing on work, family, school, and everything else. It was too much for me, but I wasn't going to give up. I tried as hard as I could to keep up with everything. I got to my last test of the first semester and ended up missing the final by 1 point! I had to endure the walk of shame and exit my class to get an exit counseling from my instructors and the dean of the program. Depressing right?!

Although I kept my emotions calm in front of everyone, I was practically screaming and crying on the inside. "How could I let things get this out of control?" I thought to myself. Leaving the school was so hard for me because the only thing I could do was have a pity party (I know, sad right?) and I cried all the way home. I do not handle failure well obviously. I was depressed for about three months and on top of that, I ended losing my job due to complications between the clinic and the lab I was working for at the time.  So yea, I was very depressed. I felt like nothing was going to go right for me at this point.

I had never felt so low in my life and I almost wanted to give up on my dreams. However, I turned to God and prayed about my short comings with school. It took some time but I had to realize that it wasn't meant for me at the time to be in school. So, I took the time I had to get back in the job market and spend time preparing myself to get back into school. I ended up getting a new job(yay!) about a week or two after searching. Things started looking up. I waited a few more months, and then applied back to Nursing school. I ended up getting "the green light" and went from there. I interviewed with the Nursing board for the school and they liked me! The only thing I had left to do was retake the TEAS test (since it had been over a year since my last one) and get my previous school to send over my official transcripts. I wasn't excited about that, but I did what I had to do. Unfortunately, I didn't do as well as I thought on this test. I missed the required score by 0.5 points! 0.5 points away from being back into the program! I don't know if it's because I was nervous or what, but I couldn't have been more upset with myself for failing AGAIN! Also, getting my transcripts from my other school ended up being a hassle and a battle that I lost due to money being owed to the school that I didn't feel I owed.
  
 So now, here I am again pushed back and waiting on another chance to reapply. I felt down, but now I have to realize again that God has another plan for me right now. Hopefully, that plan is for me to start in January so I can start doing what I have always wanted! No matter how many obstacles get in my way, I am not going to give up on my dreams!

"Failure is not the lack of succeeding. Failure is giving up!"

xoxo,

The Rambling Tea☕