RELATIONSHIP CHRONICLES!

http://theramblingtea.com/2014/11/09/relationship-chronincles-10/

Relationship Chronicles: 8

Hey ladies and gents!

It's been a while!  I have been a little  under the weather lately. I blame the Southern Mississippi climate changes of the Fall season! Any who, I have been getting a lot of questions about relationships lately. Most of these questions have been about "COMMITMENT". Well, for all of you out there that know me (or have read any of my previous posts), I am very opinionated when it comes to relationships and the things that I think are acceptable and things that aren't.

Now, when I hear the word "COMMITMENT" I think of the ultimate one....MARRIAGE. Again, this is just my opinion so feel free to disagree with me on this if you must. Yes, you can be in a "COMMITTED" relationship, but the actual "COMMITMENT" is when you both say,"I do" before God, place rings on each others finger, and vow to love one another 'til death do you both part. That is the actual commitment. I say this because when you are just boyfriend and girlfriend, that is exactly what you are. You are NOT his wife, and he is NOT your husband. I don't care how long you have been together, or if you live together and ACT as if you are HUSBAND and WIFE. COMMITMENT to me is not what boyfriend and girlfriends do. That my friends, is what I call "DATING". Yes, when you are in a relationship and you really love that person, you will be COMMITTED to them in a sense but not really. I call that the CHOICE to only be with that one guy or girl. But the ACTUAL COMMITMENT is when you BOTH CHOOSE to be with one another for the rest of your lives. Not just be boyfriend and girlfriend forever.

This brings me to my next point...."Shacking up" together. No, I am not perfect. No, I am not married. So keep in mind that this is just my opinion. I was always taught that you date, get engaged, get married, and then move in together. I'm sure most people were taught this as well. However, we are in 2014 and I am sure that most people don't go by this at all anymore. I'm not even going by this. When you love someone and are in a relationship, sometimes things happen and you end up living with each other. Now, when doing that, you start to become comfortable, pay bills with each other, learn the ways of one another, and so on.  But, depending on the person, this may also result in what I call a "STAND STILL". This means, that there is NO RUSH to change things since you are living and acting as if you are a "MARRIED COUPLE".  Why would things change? Your partner may want you to cook for them, clean up after them, give them sex whenever they want, and pretty much whatever else a "WIFE" or "HUSBAND" is supposed to do for their spouse. (Now every relationship is different and everyone doesn't have to go through this, but in most cases this is true. ) This is where the issue is. It is ok to do nice things for your girlfriend or boyfriend. It is ok to try to test things and see how they could possibly be for you two in the future, but it is NOT ok to expect things from your BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND that should honestly be coming from your HUSBAND or WIFE! You can however expect your girlfriend or boyfriend to treat you with RESPECT, show you what LOYALTY is, and most importantly LOVE.

I feel that the purpose of a relationship is to build up to MARRIAGE. Grow, learn, and build each other up to that TRUE COMMITMENT. Don't expect your BOYFRIEND to act like your HUSBAND or your girlfriend to act like your WIFE if there are no RINGS and no one has said, "I DO".

I hope someone enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

The Rambling Tea☕

Relationship Chronicles: 7

5 Things Needed for Your Relationship to Thrive

Sure everyone wants the perfect relationship where there is nothing but fluffy clouds of happiness, sugarcoated smiles, and everlasting memories all of the time. Unrealistic! Every couple has ups and downs but it is up to the two of you to decide if the relationship is worth having. If it is not, 

someone needs to choose to walk away. If it is, you have to decide what needs work and what you are willing to do to make it work. Here is a short list of things to help with that:

1. Kind, constant, and honest communication: Ok, if you have a problem in your relationship, the only way to solve the problem is COMMUNICATING. If you don't speak it, your partner wont know. Open your mouth and let it out. The more you talk, the better.
2. The will to work through problems: If you and your partner can face problems head on regardless of how difficult it may be, your relationship will be better off. You BOTH have to be willing to work through obstacles and disagreements. If not, good luck with your relationship lasting.
3. Fun, fun, fun!: Who wants to be in a boring, dry, and dull relationship? I know that I don't! Find out what you both like to do and do it! Go out there and have some fun together! Take some spontaneous trips, or surprise them with tickets to their favorite movie, or heck go on a road trip! You have to keep the excitement going!
4. Emotional support: In a relationship, you and your partner are supposed to lift each other up. Be there for each other in times of need and show one another how much you care for them. Remember, actions speak louder than words! You can say you care for them all you want, but showing them as well will make the difference.
5. Love, intimacy, romance, sex: These are the BUILDING BLOCKS. If you don't love your partner, desire and intimacy wont be there either. The romance will also be nonexistent. Sex, well, you can get that from anywhere. But in a relationship, genuinely show and prove all 4 of these and I promise you both will be happier. If you feel that the spark is gone, figure out a way to get the fire started again. 

There you have it readers! I will be making more additions to this list in later posts because a relationship is a lot of work and it takes a whole lot more that just these 5 things. I hope this helped someone and I also hope that it was enjoyable to read! Check back soon for more posts!

Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

The Rambling Tea☕

Read the original here!

Relationship Chronicles: 6

Good afternoon readers!

Guys, this post is for you! Are having trouble with dating or just can't seem to make it past the first date? Well, look no further because I am about to school you on some things that you may be doing wrong!

5 Nasty Habits That Are NOT Attractive To Women

1. Complimenting: Yep, that's right. I said "complimenting". If done correctly, this can get you far. But if you're having problems in the dating field. you're doing it wrong I'm sure. Instead of saying things like, "You look nice" say things like,"You are beautiful!". Instead of saying "You're outfit looks pretty." say this, "You're outfit looks nice and draws the right amount of attention to you." Don't be generic with your compliments or say things just because you "THINK" that is what she wants to hear. Actually mean the things you say. 
2. SPLITTING THE BILL: Ok, true enough in this day and age, there are a lot of women out there that strive to live equally with men. However, splitting the bill is NOT one of those times. I believe, that men should at least suck it and pay the bill for the first 2 or 3 dates. Even if she makes more money than you, this gesture will score you brownie points and show her that "CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD".  I know, I know, sometimes you can't afford to do dinner and a movie with drinks all the time. But, if that is the case, you need to go somewhere else. Perhaps a romantic walk on the beach? That's free!
3. Trying to solve her problems: Women are "emotional fixers" and we want to make YOU feel better. Men are "physical fixers" and if there's a problem, you want to fix it. We know this already. However, unless we ask for your help, don't automatically assume that we can't figure out our own problems. Some women need that, but most of us don't. I am not saying don't give us a foot massage after we complain about being on our feet all day. I am saying to empathize (the act of understanding someones problems or feelings) and support us. 
4. Text Issues: A text is a great alternative to talking on the phone. In some cases, I would rather text than hear someones actual voice(I know, I have issues.) Actually, I think that most people might actually prefer to text. However, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT text future plans, future dates, and full fledged conversations unless you just CAN'T call. Those things should almost always be done over the phone. Texts are meant for short hand messages and little thoughts during the day. Like, "thinking of you" or "I miss you" are text worthy and she would really enjoy seeing that while she is at work or running errands. But don't text her the itinerary for the weekend you have planned together. Also, we are all grown adults here and although you feel "cool" being able to use emojis on your new IPhone, don't turn into a teenager and send them nonstop. You will look like a teenaged girl and that is not masculine or even sexy, so STOP. We also have auto correct for a reason. This, "Ay girl. How U doin?" Or this, "WASSUP? WYD?" are definitely UNACCEPTABLE!
5. Calories: Unless you both are "gym rats", you better not bring up your caloric intake at the table. Women do that when we are on lunch dates with our friends, NOT with our boyfriends or dates. Doing this, will bring on a sense of judgment whether it was intentional or not. No one wants to feel that way, so STOP IT! Enjoy your burgers and fries so she can enjoy hers too!

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed and I hope you learned something as well! .

Was this helpful? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

The Rambling Tea☕

Read the original here!

Relationship Chronicles: 5

Good afternoon readers!

 I know I am late on this post, but I decided to sleep in today for the first time in a while! Now, lets get to this Relationship Chronicles: 5!

Like many, I have been in a few toxic relationships in the past. If I would have realized what was going on in front of my eyes, I could have saved myself from torture. If you know like I know, a toxic relationship is everything but fun. If it's toxic, detoxify your life and leave! This is not a gender specific post. This goes for ANYONE who may need some insight! Here are some signs to look out for...

7 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship

1. Someone in the relationship is keeping score: If you or your partner are keeping tabs on how many arguments you have in a day or how many times you or the other messes up, it's time to call it quits.
2. They make you feel stupid: Your partner should never, I repeat, NEVER tear you down. Their job is to encourage, motivate, and bring you up. They should NEVER make you feel bad about the way you do certain things, certain foods you like, or certain hobbies you have. Doing this is a good reason to walk away.
3. Can't take responsibility: Every time there is an argument, your partner never seems to be able to admit when they are wrong, say good bye because that will NEVER change. Grown adults are able to take responsibility for their own actions. If your partner can't do that, well, you have an emotionally immature teenager on your hands if you ask me.
4. Constant break-up threats: If you or your partner can't fully express your emotional needs or feelings without the fear of them causing conflict between you two, then you're definitely in a toxic relationship. Do they say things like," I can't be with someone that doesn't understand!" instead of saying,"It really bothers me when you don't understand where I am coming from." Think about that.
5. Name calling is normal: No, I am not talking about pet names like "baby","bae","sweetie", and "dear". I am talking about the names that are meant to either consciously or purposely hurt you. That is verbal abuse and it is one of the main things look out for. Negative name calling back and forth is not something you do to someone you love or care about. End it!
6. They go MIA: When you are in a relationship and you have an argument or fight, running away or ignoring the person for days at a time that you "love" and "care" about is a definite no-no! If your partner can disappear on you (or if you live with them once you do something to upset them they ignore you for DAYS or even WEEKS) and pick up whenever THEY SEE FIT like nothing ever happened in the first place, then this person needs to go MIA and NEVER return! In my opinion, this is so immature. I have experienced this myself and it is definitely an eye opener of treatment that you will continue to have from this person. Trust me when I tell you, this childish act wont change and you will see how it takes a toll on you after a while if you decide to stay. 
7. You are NOT allowed to grow: People change overtime. As we get older, we start to figure ourselves out. Goals my change, things we value may change, and things we want out of life may change. In a relationship, your partner should be willing to accept and embrace your change. It would be even better if they could change and grow with you. If they try to hold you back from your dreams and goals or try to tare you down and stop you from growing, it's time to move on and grow without them!

That's it readers! I hope you enjoyed! If this helped anyone at all that read this, I have done my job!

I want to kow your thoughts or any of your experiences with a toxic relationship and what you did to get out of it. Talk to me!

xoxo,

The Rambling Tea☕

Read the original article here: Glamour

Relationship Chronicles: 4

5 Ways To Understand What You NEED Out of A Relationship

1. Define your core values: Our core values are the foundation of who we are. In order to know these, you have to truly know yourself and what you strongly believe in and want for your life. Things that are the most important to you in other words. Core values can be: marriage, family, your career, religious beliefs, even how you feel about honesty, trust, and fidelity and the importance they have in a relationship. It would benefit you if the person you're interested in has these same values.
2. Understand your emotional needs: These needs define the finer points of our relationships. Emotional needs are just as important as core values. Maybe you seek the need for intimacy and satisfying sexuality, the need to be honored, and the need to be accepted by your partner. Find someone who meets those needs. Find someone who understands their role in fulfilling those needs. 
3. Identify your love pattern: Finding someone that meets your emotional needs and core values is a plus. Now it's time to understand what you have received from your precious relationships that have brought the best out in you. Growth, fulfillment, safety, security, and the act of being yourself are good things to consider when focusing on your own personal love pattern. Relationships that contribute to positivity, happiness( although things wont always be sunshine and unicorns), and make you feel good are the types that should be sought after. 
4. Test drive a POTENTIAL relationship: Look inside yourself. Find out what's inside of you that will attract the right person for you. Apply what you find to seek a partner. But be careful because doing this can bring on mistakes. Make sure not to ONLY consider good looks and a likable personality as a way to determine if this person is what you need before you actually know them. Don't let your head and heart go in opposite directions when making your decision because your heart will when every time. I guarantee it! Once you have figured this all out, you can "free trial run" the relationship first and just date. This will help your emotional state and give you time to get to know the person before you get too serious.
5. Once you're dating, go in for a three-month checkup:  If the relationship is going well from your observation, start dating more seriously after two months. However,  don't get too comfortable because just like a new car, it is time to get the "three-month checkup". Do this for about 3-4 months. Ask yourself if this person is still holding up to the same standards as you initially thought they had when you first met. If not, pay attention. These early on signs are red flags. Cut your losses before any more valuable time is wasted. If the person is still the same, continue on dating more exclusively. 

I really hope that this was beneficial to someone. We all should sit back and think about what we need in a relationship vs what we THINK we need. A lot of the time we settle for what we want even if it isn't beneficial to us. I hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

The Rambling Tea☕

Read the original article here