Relationship Chronicles: 8

Hey ladies and gents!

It's been a while!  I have been a little  under the weather lately. I blame the Southern Mississippi climate changes of the Fall season! Any who, I have been getting a lot of questions about relationships lately. Most of these questions have been about "COMMITMENT". Well, for all of you out there that know me (or have read any of my previous posts), I am very opinionated when it comes to relationships and the things that I think are acceptable and things that aren't.

Now, when I hear the word "COMMITMENT" I think of the ultimate one....MARRIAGE. Again, this is just my opinion so feel free to disagree with me on this if you must. Yes, you can be in a "COMMITTED" relationship, but the actual "COMMITMENT" is when you both say,"I do" before God, place rings on each others finger, and vow to love one another 'til death do you both part. That is the actual commitment. I say this because when you are just boyfriend and girlfriend, that is exactly what you are. You are NOT his wife, and he is NOT your husband. I don't care how long you have been together, or if you live together and ACT as if you are HUSBAND and WIFE. COMMITMENT to me is not what boyfriend and girlfriends do. That my friends, is what I call "DATING". Yes, when you are in a relationship and you really love that person, you will be COMMITTED to them in a sense but not really. I call that the CHOICE to only be with that one guy or girl. But the ACTUAL COMMITMENT is when you BOTH CHOOSE to be with one another for the rest of your lives. Not just be boyfriend and girlfriend forever.

This brings me to my next point...."Shacking up" together. No, I am not perfect. No, I am not married. So keep in mind that this is just my opinion. I was always taught that you date, get engaged, get married, and then move in together. I'm sure most people were taught this as well. However, we are in 2014 and I am sure that most people don't go by this at all anymore. I'm not even going by this. When you love someone and are in a relationship, sometimes things happen and you end up living with each other. Now, when doing that, you start to become comfortable, pay bills with each other, learn the ways of one another, and so on.  But, depending on the person, this may also result in what I call a "STAND STILL". This means, that there is NO RUSH to change things since you are living and acting as if you are a "MARRIED COUPLE".  Why would things change? Your partner may want you to cook for them, clean up after them, give them sex whenever they want, and pretty much whatever else a "WIFE" or "HUSBAND" is supposed to do for their spouse. (Now every relationship is different and everyone doesn't have to go through this, but in most cases this is true. ) This is where the issue is. It is ok to do nice things for your girlfriend or boyfriend. It is ok to try to test things and see how they could possibly be for you two in the future, but it is NOT ok to expect things from your BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND that should honestly be coming from your HUSBAND or WIFE! You can however expect your girlfriend or boyfriend to treat you with RESPECT, show you what LOYALTY is, and most importantly LOVE.

I feel that the purpose of a relationship is to build up to MARRIAGE. Grow, learn, and build each other up to that TRUE COMMITMENT. Don't expect your BOYFRIEND to act like your HUSBAND or your girlfriend to act like your WIFE if there are no RINGS and no one has said, "I DO".

I hope someone enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!

XOXO,

The Rambling Tea☕

Relationship Chronicles: 2

What is more important: Sex or Intimacy?

This is something to debate about right? Some people may not even know the difference between the two. Here's what I think......

Sex:

The word itself is interesting right? A few things come to mind when I hear this word. Meaningless, one-night stands, hook-ups, etc. In my opinion, sex is something that you can get from anywhere. A friend, a random person you meet at a club or party, someone you met online, someone you don't even have feelings for can have sex with you. It sounds a little crazy but, hear me out. Sex is a physical act. Something you do for pleasure or some people might say to "get your rocks off". There are no feelings or meaning in this. Sex is should be considered "the most intimate act", but it can also be an act without consent, an act which is paid for, or a mere physical exchange.

Intimacy:

The word alone sounds better than "sex". To be intimate, that involves feelings and emotions. Intimacy takes time to build. So many things are involved in this. Intimacy can only be achieved when you know and care for someone deeply, when you TRULY love, have a deep connection, and feel completely free with someone. This is why it is so different from just "sex". You don't even have to know someone to have sex with them. This is sad, but true given the morals and standards of so many people today. However, you don't need sex to be intimate with your partner. Intimacy can be mind stimulation, spending quality time with your significant other, connecting through non-sexual contact as well and not necessarily a scene from your favorite erotica themed book.


What if I told you that in a really deep, connected, and strong relationship both of these combined are important? You can have one without the other in a good relationship. For instance, say your partner is not able to actually get physical with you sexually due to some preexisting medical condition. That doesn't mean that you can't connect with them on an intimate level. However, it can be argued that there is nothing more intimate than vulnerably offering yourself to someone in the physical act of sex, therefore connecting the two terms again, even in the case of a one-night stand. Being intimate involves you being open, honest, and giving yourself as a whole to your partner. Doing that can  make your relationship stronger and help through out all aspects including in the bedroom.

What do you think is more important? What do these things mean to you? I want to know your thoughts!

Personally, I don't think that sex is better than intimacy. I think they are better combined.

xoxo,

The Rambling Tea☕

Thanks to http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/04/26/how-does-sex-differ-from-intimacy/ for helping me get a better understanding on this.